INTRODUCTION … written by the well known romanian writter Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
INTRODUCTION … written by the well known romanian writter Adrian Gabriel Dumitru
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George … was a guy of about 55.
I knew him since i was a kid and i saw him smiling all the time.
Being much older than me … we actually never spent time together when i was a kid … but still .. i was seeing him almost everyday.
So probably i could say that i knew George.
My father was friend with his father … which i remember that had many, many cars … including a beautiful Mercedes.
In the 80’s …. in a communist country … having such a car was probably the equivalent of a Rolls Royce from nowadays times.
And more i connect to those moments from my childhood … i realize that it was nothing that could say the fact that George was an unhappy guy.
I could probably say the opposite … that he was almost a smiley person … all the time.
But few days ago … i read in social media about the fact that George died in a train accident, most probably suiciding himself … because of depression.
He was a policeman … but now … not anymore.
The real truth was that he was a lost soul … and most probably he could not stand his depression anymore.
So what the hell is this thing that we name … depression?!
Well … depression (also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working.
To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks.
But maybe George was depressed already by … years, that he decided to suicide.
It’s probably not fair enough to define him … cause i was never closed to him and in the last years i was just saying hello to him only 1-2 times …. but still … i was wondering … why someone should decide to take his life?!
The question was repeated on my mind on and on and on … but still i had the image with George … smiling.
And if i should ask myself …. how do i remember another 100 persons i know … and try to define them randomly .. all i could say is probably that they are … unhappy … most of the times.
So George had a happy face most of the times i was seeing him in my town … but was totally unhappy … and in fact he was … depressive … and many others … i could define as depressives … without a question.
George’s example was so … tricky.
He was hiding his real feelings so, so well … and without knowing what the real truth about his life was … i found illogical his action of suicide.
And i start to ask myself … should we let our depression… be expressed?!
Should we allow unhappiness … define our lives or hide it and pretend it’s does not exists?!
Is depression a friend … or a very difficult enemy?!
Can we get rid of it?!
Can we get rid of it …. overnight?!
Well … so many questions …
Too bad i can’t ask George … about his depression and if the trick of getting suicide worked?!
You see … i’m talking about him, cause he use to be a very simple person … probably having a very simple life … but his extreme decision … defines him as an example that worth … our attention.
I saw over the years many people and many of them suffered of depression also … by why those people are not deciding to suicide?!
What is the difference between them and George?!
Was George a weak person that could not stand those depressive feelings …. or all the others are too cowards… to end their lives as this friend of mine.
Well …. so many contradictory questions and answers …
But while meditating a lot on what i name the illusion of life … and also about this simple theory of analyzing, defining … so that in the end we could redefine reality … i was wondering … what if what we see and feel on the stage of our lives … is just illusory?!
What if depression is just the feeling of being dominated of illusory interpretation of how we see this world?!
What if we try to simple change our perspectives … and redefine in fact our thoughts and feelings?!
What if we should try to see the beautiful side of everything is going on?!
And what if … in fact … depression is just a gateway to the real happiness?!
But you see … we don’t like this concept of … illusions.
We don’t accept that all what we feel or think is a certain perspective over reality … and …
Well … most probably if we should not be so attached by the inner self …. we could probably see other perspectives.
But something keeps us … prisoners in a jail with invisible walls.
So … the solution?!
Hmm … damn it ….
Why the hell i can’t ask George how is he now?!
Did his depression stopped?!
Can we escape from depression and suicidal thoughts by getting suicide?!
What is the truth behind this annoying karmic habit … of depression?!
I smile …
I even laugh …
Most probably i had also thoughts as George … but i never let them dominate me.
Many will say that they never had to deal with depression … and still they have miserable lives …
I smile and also laugh … cause today i know that depression is just an illusion … and the habit that we let ourselves be dominated by illusory thoughts and feelings … totally losing control on ourselves.
Spiritual awakening might be the … real path … to follow … which is probably the real meaning of life …
Suddenly depression becomes kind of a blessing …. or a test of life that makes us realize it’s time to go deeper and deeper.
The karmic game of illusions … starts to make total sense … but only when we redefine everything related with depression as part of a spiritual process.
And we have so, so many choices …
To accept and embrace it.
To deny it.
To get rid of it … in any way.
I say hello and good bye to George one more time … and i regret the fact that i did not had the chance to tell him that … all we see in this world …. It’s just a … karmic game of illusions.
Most probably now … he would laugh of this illusory disease called … depression … and follow the gateway to the real happiness …. not practicing anymore the attachment to the inner self.
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